"A little, I guess. Mostly it was how you fought." Vicious and savage, and then when the fight was over, Goro had pulled it all back inside himself as if it had never existed. But Ren had seen it.
That's startling to hear. The others sometimes call him on the way he fights; Haru especially has talked quietly to him about it over tea. It's not that he didn't feel Ren's eyes burning into him in Niijima's Palace, it's just....
"And am I living up to your expectations?" It's not quite even; almost a promise of more, and soon. He hasn't let himself rip, yet; the whole business is still too experimental. But there are enough signs of what he might be.
He considers Goro for a second. The trace of unsteadiness in his voice; the curl of his lips in the Metaverse, a snarl of triumph as he calls Lancelot. The care with which he treats Ren, always.
"Too soon to tell," is what Ren decides to say in the end. "You want to give me something more to think about?"
"Oof. Fish for praise, and see what I get," he murmurs, looking Ren right in the eye in the low light. "What if I'd rather have your dick in my mouth, anyway?"
Like so many things, he's never done it. And the thought is one he returns to.
He meets Goro's gaze with the intense, unblinking stare he turns on Goro sometimes, like he's drinking in Goro with his eyes after days of thirst. The image is in his mind now, vividly—and he would be the first, like he was the first to kiss Goro, to touch him.
And Goro doesn't look away, not for a second. That thought's in his mind too—and he wants Ren to be first, he wants Ren to take everything he has, and then he wants some more. "Drink your coffee."
He almost says, Fuck the coffee. Then he remembers entering the café to the sight of Goro already making it, and the strange sensation of being welcome. He brings the cup to his lips and drains half the remaining coffee without coming up for air.
"Now come on," he says afterwards, setting the cup back down on the counter and reaching across for Goro's hand.
He comes around the corner to meet Ren, taking his hand and leading him up the steps. "Come on?" he says, as they go. "Really, Ren, your language."
Later, when they're entwined half-under, half-above what to all appearances is Goro's own brown winter quilt, on Goro's bed, which now is improved by the addition of a thick new futon, he squints sideways with a sleepy smirk. "Nice," he says. "Minimal cleanup."
He flops over and presses close, feeling something start to unknot as he breathes in Goro's scent. When people talk about relaxing fragrances or whatever, maybe they mean something like this...? ...Probably not.
He laughs under his breath, a pleased little hm as he presses close in turn, creeping a leg over Ren's calf and an arm around his waist, over scars he's begun to explore one by one as allowed. "Feeling better?"
"Mm." But he sounds less contented this time. For a moment, he searches for words to encompass everything that made him close the Nav and come to Leblanc. But all he says in the end is, "I was talking to Crow."
Ren snorts, and then feels guilty about it. "It wasn't... no, actually, it did kind of suck, but he didn't do anything. We were just trying to talk things out."
He pulls himself closer by that leg, pressing the two of them close enough to interlock; he's a fast learner. His hand makes little circles on Ren's shoulder. "After the Palace, right?"
It's a good sign. That Ren is trying to put things right, he means. But, as it's proving more and more, none of this was ever going to be easy.
He sighs against Goro's skin and wriggles a little before he answers, trying to find a way to bring them even closer than they are already. "Yeah. He's being real... you know. Gracious. About everything. But I still."
A small pause, while he debates simply not saying it: If he doesn't give voice to it, Goro can't tell him he's right. "...I still have to say stuff," he says, reluctantly, which is fitting. "Like, that's the whole point of talking. To say stuff."
He sounds like someone's told him to take a swim in a vat of sewage. If the sewage was also boiling, and actually not sewage at all but acid.
"You have to apologise," he clarifies. His thumb brushes the back of Ren's neck, firm and present. Apologies are something he learned while all his classmates were learning first-year kanji; how and when to offer them, how to seem like you mean them while feeling like you sucked a lemon. He still hates every one.
He lets out a gust of breath and doesn't otherwise reply, which is as good as a confirmation.
He can give a lying apology, though there aren't many people anymore who demand that he grovel. But it makes him sick. Still, even that is somehow so much easier than apologizing when he actually means it. Usually he thinks, why fucking bother? Who even cares about an apology?
He doesn't ask if Ren even wants to apologise; the fact that he's trying makes it more than evident. Ren's pride, after all, has so often been all he has. Goro lets one hand play lightly through his hair, like a promise.
"It's the worst, isn't it," he murmurs. "Did he mention apologising to Futaba yet?"
"Yeah, I talked to him about it. He started out kinda defensive, but then he got like... 'I shouldn't hold grudges, it's so Goro Akechi of me, I'm such a piece of shit for that.' But he sounded like he'd apologize to her."
Which Ren cares about way more than he cares about any apologies made to him. But the downside of that is, it leaves him as the only one saying he's sorry.
Still giggling, he wriggles a little, twisting his own fingers in Ren's hair to pull just a bit. "It's so Goro Akechi of me. Stop me, I'm going to start using that in conversation."
But the laughter stills, as he does against Ren, as more serious thoughts come into play. "The archetypical Goro Akechi. I suppose that's something I won't ever truly understand."
Ren laughs breathlessly, tilting his head back. Briefly, he thinks of his phone in his pocket and the last message he sent Crow. sorry. i promise ill be back. He didn't mean to get laid when he left, but he's not going to say no to it, either.
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"And am I living up to your expectations?" It's not quite even; almost a promise of more, and soon. He hasn't let himself rip, yet; the whole business is still too experimental. But there are enough signs of what he might be.
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"Too soon to tell," is what Ren decides to say in the end. "You want to give me something more to think about?"
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Like so many things, he's never done it. And the thought is one he returns to.
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"Do you?"
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But he doesn't look away.
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"Now come on," he says afterwards, setting the cup back down on the counter and reaching across for Goro's hand.
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Later, when they're entwined half-under, half-above what to all appearances is Goro's own brown winter quilt, on Goro's bed, which now is improved by the addition of a thick new futon, he squints sideways with a sleepy smirk. "Nice," he says. "Minimal cleanup."
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He flops over and presses close, feeling something start to unknot as he breathes in Goro's scent. When people talk about relaxing fragrances or whatever, maybe they mean something like this...? ...Probably not.
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"Sounds delightful," he says instead, before pressing a kiss to the crook of Ren's neck.
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It's a good sign. That Ren is trying to put things right, he means. But, as it's proving more and more, none of this was ever going to be easy.
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A small pause, while he debates simply not saying it: If he doesn't give voice to it, Goro can't tell him he's right. "...I still have to say stuff," he says, reluctantly, which is fitting. "Like, that's the whole point of talking. To say stuff."
He sounds like someone's told him to take a swim in a vat of sewage. If the sewage was also boiling, and actually not sewage at all but acid.
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He can give a lying apology, though there aren't many people anymore who demand that he grovel. But it makes him sick. Still, even that is somehow so much easier than apologizing when he actually means it. Usually he thinks, why fucking bother? Who even cares about an apology?
Crow, is the answer. Crow will care. The asshole.
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He doesn't ask if Ren even wants to apologise; the fact that he's trying makes it more than evident. Ren's pride, after all, has so often been all he has. Goro lets one hand play lightly through his hair, like a promise.
"It's the worst, isn't it," he murmurs. "Did he mention apologising to Futaba yet?"
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Which Ren cares about way more than he cares about any apologies made to him. But the downside of that is, it leaves him as the only one saying he's sorry.
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Like, Crow, he doesn't dislike you, and he sees your strengths, of which there are many. But that's such a thing to say.
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He likes making Goro laugh, though, and he likes being the one to have done it. He twines his fingers in Goro's hair.
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But the laughter stills, as he does against Ren, as more serious thoughts come into play. "The archetypical Goro Akechi. I suppose that's something I won't ever truly understand."
Again, he tugs Ren's hair, affectionately.
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"Yeah. You're too annoying."
Annoying is not the word he really means.
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He meets Goro's eyes in challenge. "So annoying."
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