"I'm sorry," he says, leaning on the counter. What else is there to say? Sure, he saw his own words in there, worse by far, words he's spoken since he arrived, even... but that makes it no better.
"I just don't know how I should feel." Before articulating further, he blows on the coffee, then takes a small sip. "I was... angry, to be honest. Furious, even. I tried so hard to reason with him, but he kept retaliating. Trying to drive me away. Repeating again and again how 'awful' he allegedly was, how I'd never care for the 'real' him, and that he was going to die anyway. It became too much, so I excused myself."
What can he do but nod at the truth of Crow's words? "That was why he told me what he said about my mother. To Magpie," he adds, as if that needs clarifying. Despite himself, there's a hint of a growl in his voice, which rapidly softens to confusion.
"And yet he asked, first, if I even knew what happens to her in other worlds. What seems to be the rule." Paradox, promise and potential—and all of it adding up to a puzzle that Goro must solve.
"He told me the same thing. It was very deliberate. To be honest, I was offended that he reacted in such a manner. That he'd think so little of me that he'd expect me to simply discard our friendship."
Damn it. He needs to set the coffee cup down. Needs to center himself. This isn't the time to lose his composure.
"I understand that venting to Magpie likely did not help matters, but at the time, I was so unbelievably upset. What was I supposed to do? Just take it all with a smile?"
"I think you could have chosen your confidant a little better, yes." It's dry as sand.
"Then again, I doubt you expected Magpie to betray your trust in such a way. If what he said is in the Palace, Glitch and I didn't see it. It may be buried deeper, in one of those wings.
"Or perhaps it didn't bother him at all, but...." He saw the look on Ren's face, as he watched movie Magpie.
"All I know is that he spoke to your Ren, and afterwards, I got an apology. I have no idea how he conveyed his feelings, only that he acted on my behalf. Magpie... can be rather aggressive regarding the people he cares about, however, and he already was coming off of being a child himself."
And so... hm. Hand steadying, Crow takes another sip. It's fine. He can't run from this.
Yeah, Frog just watches him drink. Somehow, he doesn't think Crow's handling his responsibilities better for having help. "How's the coffee, by the way?"
"Boss clearly instructed you well." Not that he's surprised. The care he put into producing it already spoke volumes well beforehand. "Not that I'd expect anything less. I still remember his reaction when I informed him that Dojima-san used instant coffee."
It certainly made for an interesting Golden Week when Dojima and Nanako came to town.
"Your guardian." Ah, he can't help but picture the look on Sojiro's face; he laughs a little. "Yes, that must have made for quite a scene. Myself, I find kopi luwak—the real thing, not the crap you get online—has rather too much subtlety for most palates, certainly given its cost and the trials of producing it. I'm not sure I get the most out of it, even now...."
Wait. Again, he laughs, looking down, more self-deprecating. "Goodness. Ren would tell me I was being such a nerd. He's not wrong."
"I believe being a nerd is baked into our very being. Far be it from me to judge." Another sip. There certainly is a subtle feeling to the blend. Not too strong, but still pleasant. "Honestly, any time Ken visits Leblanc, he's quick to geek out with Boss about nuances of different coffee beans, or the intricacies of proper preparation."
"Ah. I mean the Ken Amada from my world, to be clear. He's my half-brother and proof that Shido couldn't keep it in his pants for even a few weeks." It's a rather harrowing implication, but he suspects his counterpart will catch on.
... huh. His fingernails rap quietly on the countertop, once. His mother turned away from him, streaming with tears, screaming. You're not my child! I'm not your mother! Had he even started elementary school then?
"That man is a monster." He pulls down the house blend jar and weighs out beans for himself. "Everything I've learned about him since I arrived underscores that."
"I'm thankful to have a father who tries, even if he struggles sometimes. I'll always be grateful to Dojima-san for taking a chance on me, when he was already struggling to balance his duties as a detective with his daughter."
Crow's fingers idly tap at the side of his cup. There's something to be said for having a parent who could see him. Connect with him. Understand him in ways few people could.
"His duties keep us apart, but he's at least tried to visit whenever the opportunity arises."
He resists the urge to tap on the jar in turn. "It's something I've noticed since I've been here, you know. When I meet one of us, I can't help but wonder—what happened to you? Did you lose her? How old were you, what became of you? So many things the others have endured that I can't imagine."
You're not my child! he hears again, screwing the jar closed. He doesn't feel much, looking back; it's so long ago. "You understand more than I do, but...."
"You aren't at fault for struggling to imagine what isn't true for you. I'm perhaps more capable of seeing myself in the other Akechis because... hm." How to put it? He looks down at the coffee, as if his own reflection were looking back, even though coffee is far from the most reflective beverage. "I suppose to put it one way, if you, myself, and Magpie were a spectrum, I stand in the middle."
"And Ren is in the same place on that spectrum as Magpie. Approximately, I mean." He starts the grind again, as he has so many times. It really seems Magpie might have insights into Ren—assuming they can ever access them.
cw: sa mention. kinda. the shido thing ren intercepted
"In some respects, though quite a few aspects of their background differ." Finally, Crow takes another sip. "But it's not my place to divulge the details that your Ren has shared with me. I don't want him to mistakenly believe that I'll spill his every secret."
No. Even telling Magpie that night was... well. Obviously it wasn't so clear-cut.
"Ah, but I suppose it's worth mentioning that my Ren is the one who lived here. Put on probation because he tried to protect a woman from Shido, and Shido didn't take kindly to his intervention."
Goro just nods. In some ways it would be convenient if they could just share everything they know; the Palace certainly will end up doing a lot of that, if he's any judge. But he knows, already, that trust needs to be uppermost in whatever they do.
But then Crow continues, and he leans forward, forgetting the grinder. "What?"
"Wrong place, wrong time, essentially. Shido happened to be in his hometown, and Ren was out late at night. He rushed in to protect the woman and Shido ended up very lightly hitting his head on the car. So, of course, he used his authority and influence to land Ren with a false conviction, which led to his transferal to Tokyo for a year of probation."
Each word carries a bitterness that rivals even the blackest coffee. Even if it led to their meeting, that doesn't make it fair.
"It's also what led to the false Igor putting him through 'rehabilitation,' right down to the prison-themed Velvet Room and those unnecessarily aggressive little girls."
"Caroline and Justine," he nods, recognising them right away. "That's why he was sent to Boss?"
Because he's a probation officer. It's not commonly done any more—Sojiro certainly doesn't routinely put up young men in his neglected attic—but Goro knows well enough from past acquaintances that it can be done.
"But you're—" No; he swallows. "You're saying Shido was—just attacking a woman in the street? Really?" It's not that it surprises him, knowing what he already does; knowing so well what men are like. It's just so—blatant. Stupid.
"Yes. Evidently, a friend of his parents referred them to him." And you can just feel the rage simmering behind those words. "I'm grateful that I met him. The ring that I wear isn't just for show, even if it will take a considerable amount of time before it's possible to follow through, but that doesn't mean I'm happy that Ren had to endure something so atrocious."
Perhaps his younger self will fare better. But then, what will that mean come 2016? Screw it. Crow takes another sip of coffee.
"But yes. As understand it, he was trying to force a woman into a car with him in a deranged, drunken state."
Well, then. He taps the grinder lightly on the counter—Sojiro's grinder, in spirit or not, that he would give Goro a salary for if he broke it just so he could take it away again—resisting the urge to throw it at the window.
He wants to pull down every jar from the shelves behind him and hear them smash, and then smash the pieces. He wants to run to the Velvet Room and shake Igor, call Lancelot and hurl Mudoons and Hamaons until he gets sent home, and then run to his mother, find her, apologise, never let go, never—
"Well, then," he says, vaguely, looking around for the filter papers. He knew, but he didn't know.
"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news." That he reacted this way... It's not surprising, but it does beg a few questions as to how much Frog even knows about Shido. "It was... well, to call it difficult would be a vast understatement, but I was more focused on supporting Ren. He had no one to really turn to. Even Sakura-san was rather aloof with him at first, so I ended up cleaning the attic with him, and that was how I learned of his predicament."
With his lips pressed tightly together, he sets the grinder to one side. "It speaks well of your Ren that he did that. That he tried to intervene, I mean. I'm not sure I would have, not then."
Before he ended up at Leblanc, he means. Before his mother was taken from him for a year. A cold, ugly determination is settling deeper into his heart.
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"And yet he asked, first, if I even knew what happens to her in other worlds. What seems to be the rule." Paradox, promise and potential—and all of it adding up to a puzzle that Goro must solve.
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Damn it. He needs to set the coffee cup down. Needs to center himself. This isn't the time to lose his composure.
"I understand that venting to Magpie likely did not help matters, but at the time, I was so unbelievably upset. What was I supposed to do? Just take it all with a smile?"
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"Then again, I doubt you expected Magpie to betray your trust in such a way. If what he said is in the Palace, Glitch and I didn't see it. It may be buried deeper, in one of those wings.
"Or perhaps it didn't bother him at all, but...." He saw the look on Ren's face, as he watched movie Magpie.
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And so... hm. Hand steadying, Crow takes another sip. It's fine. He can't run from this.
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It certainly made for an interesting Golden Week when Dojima and Nanako came to town.
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Wait. Again, he laughs, looking down, more self-deprecating. "Goodness. Ren would tell me I was being such a nerd. He's not wrong."
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Is there something going on with the age differences again?
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cw abuse
"That man is a monster." He pulls down the house blend jar and weighs out beans for himself. "Everything I've learned about him since I arrived underscores that."
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Crow's fingers idly tap at the side of his cup. There's something to be said for having a parent who could see him. Connect with him. Understand him in ways few people could.
"His duties keep us apart, but he's at least tried to visit whenever the opportunity arises."
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You're not my child! he hears again, screwing the jar closed. He doesn't feel much, looking back; it's so long ago. "You understand more than I do, but...."
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cw: sa mention. kinda. the shido thing ren intercepted
No. Even telling Magpie that night was... well. Obviously it wasn't so clear-cut.
"Ah, but I suppose it's worth mentioning that my Ren is the one who lived here. Put on probation because he tried to protect a woman from Shido, and Shido didn't take kindly to his intervention."
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But then Crow continues, and he leans forward, forgetting the grinder. "What?"
How is that even possible?
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Each word carries a bitterness that rivals even the blackest coffee. Even if it led to their meeting, that doesn't make it fair.
"It's also what led to the false Igor putting him through 'rehabilitation,' right down to the prison-themed Velvet Room and those unnecessarily aggressive little girls."
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Because he's a probation officer. It's not commonly done any more—Sojiro certainly doesn't routinely put up young men in his neglected attic—but Goro knows well enough from past acquaintances that it can be done.
"But you're—" No; he swallows. "You're saying Shido was—just attacking a woman in the street? Really?" It's not that it surprises him, knowing what he already does; knowing so well what men are like. It's just so—blatant. Stupid.
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Perhaps his younger self will fare better. But then, what will that mean come 2016? Screw it. Crow takes another sip of coffee.
"But yes. As understand it, he was trying to force a woman into a car with him in a deranged, drunken state."
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He wants to pull down every jar from the shelves behind him and hear them smash, and then smash the pieces. He wants to run to the Velvet Room and shake Igor, call Lancelot and hurl Mudoons and Hamaons until he gets sent home, and then run to his mother, find her, apologise, never let go, never—
"Well, then," he says, vaguely, looking around for the filter papers. He knew, but he didn't know.
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Before he ended up at Leblanc, he means. Before his mother was taken from him for a year. A cold, ugly determination is settling deeper into his heart.
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