"Ah. I mean the Ken Amada from my world, to be clear. He's my half-brother and proof that Shido couldn't keep it in his pants for even a few weeks." It's a rather harrowing implication, but he suspects his counterpart will catch on.
... huh. His fingernails rap quietly on the countertop, once. His mother turned away from him, streaming with tears, screaming. You're not my child! I'm not your mother! Had he even started elementary school then?
"That man is a monster." He pulls down the house blend jar and weighs out beans for himself. "Everything I've learned about him since I arrived underscores that."
"I'm thankful to have a father who tries, even if he struggles sometimes. I'll always be grateful to Dojima-san for taking a chance on me, when he was already struggling to balance his duties as a detective with his daughter."
Crow's fingers idly tap at the side of his cup. There's something to be said for having a parent who could see him. Connect with him. Understand him in ways few people could.
"His duties keep us apart, but he's at least tried to visit whenever the opportunity arises."
He resists the urge to tap on the jar in turn. "It's something I've noticed since I've been here, you know. When I meet one of us, I can't help but wonder—what happened to you? Did you lose her? How old were you, what became of you? So many things the others have endured that I can't imagine."
You're not my child! he hears again, screwing the jar closed. He doesn't feel much, looking back; it's so long ago. "You understand more than I do, but...."
"You aren't at fault for struggling to imagine what isn't true for you. I'm perhaps more capable of seeing myself in the other Akechis because... hm." How to put it? He looks down at the coffee, as if his own reflection were looking back, even though coffee is far from the most reflective beverage. "I suppose to put it one way, if you, myself, and Magpie were a spectrum, I stand in the middle."
"And Ren is in the same place on that spectrum as Magpie. Approximately, I mean." He starts the grind again, as he has so many times. It really seems Magpie might have insights into Ren—assuming they can ever access them.
cw: sa mention. kinda. the shido thing ren intercepted
"In some respects, though quite a few aspects of their background differ." Finally, Crow takes another sip. "But it's not my place to divulge the details that your Ren has shared with me. I don't want him to mistakenly believe that I'll spill his every secret."
No. Even telling Magpie that night was... well. Obviously it wasn't so clear-cut.
"Ah, but I suppose it's worth mentioning that my Ren is the one who lived here. Put on probation because he tried to protect a woman from Shido, and Shido didn't take kindly to his intervention."
Goro just nods. In some ways it would be convenient if they could just share everything they know; the Palace certainly will end up doing a lot of that, if he's any judge. But he knows, already, that trust needs to be uppermost in whatever they do.
But then Crow continues, and he leans forward, forgetting the grinder. "What?"
"Wrong place, wrong time, essentially. Shido happened to be in his hometown, and Ren was out late at night. He rushed in to protect the woman and Shido ended up very lightly hitting his head on the car. So, of course, he used his authority and influence to land Ren with a false conviction, which led to his transferal to Tokyo for a year of probation."
Each word carries a bitterness that rivals even the blackest coffee. Even if it led to their meeting, that doesn't make it fair.
"It's also what led to the false Igor putting him through 'rehabilitation,' right down to the prison-themed Velvet Room and those unnecessarily aggressive little girls."
"Caroline and Justine," he nods, recognising them right away. "That's why he was sent to Boss?"
Because he's a probation officer. It's not commonly done any more—Sojiro certainly doesn't routinely put up young men in his neglected attic—but Goro knows well enough from past acquaintances that it can be done.
"But you're—" No; he swallows. "You're saying Shido was—just attacking a woman in the street? Really?" It's not that it surprises him, knowing what he already does; knowing so well what men are like. It's just so—blatant. Stupid.
"Yes. Evidently, a friend of his parents referred them to him." And you can just feel the rage simmering behind those words. "I'm grateful that I met him. The ring that I wear isn't just for show, even if it will take a considerable amount of time before it's possible to follow through, but that doesn't mean I'm happy that Ren had to endure something so atrocious."
Perhaps his younger self will fare better. But then, what will that mean come 2016? Screw it. Crow takes another sip of coffee.
"But yes. As understand it, he was trying to force a woman into a car with him in a deranged, drunken state."
Well, then. He taps the grinder lightly on the counter—Sojiro's grinder, in spirit or not, that he would give Goro a salary for if he broke it just so he could take it away again—resisting the urge to throw it at the window.
He wants to pull down every jar from the shelves behind him and hear them smash, and then smash the pieces. He wants to run to the Velvet Room and shake Igor, call Lancelot and hurl Mudoons and Hamaons until he gets sent home, and then run to his mother, find her, apologise, never let go, never—
"Well, then," he says, vaguely, looking around for the filter papers. He knew, but he didn't know.
"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news." That he reacted this way... It's not surprising, but it does beg a few questions as to how much Frog even knows about Shido. "It was... well, to call it difficult would be a vast understatement, but I was more focused on supporting Ren. He had no one to really turn to. Even Sakura-san was rather aloof with him at first, so I ended up cleaning the attic with him, and that was how I learned of his predicament."
With his lips pressed tightly together, he sets the grinder to one side. "It speaks well of your Ren that he did that. That he tried to intervene, I mean. I'm not sure I would have, not then."
Before he ended up at Leblanc, he means. Before his mother was taken from him for a year. A cold, ugly determination is settling deeper into his heart.
"I believe most people would turn the other way. Self-preservation often wins out. The fear of retaliation, of shame... The belief that it's not their problem..."
Hm. He'd best finish this coffee before it gets too cold. Time for another, larger sip, then. "Ren was charged with assault, when he wasn't the aggressor. Kamoshida tried to spread rumors about his criminal record, but I did my best to intervene. With my assistance, things have marginally improved, particularly among the female students who perhaps feel more at ease knowing that he protected a woman in distress, but obviously there are still those who can't look past his record."
"Unsurprising conduct. He certainly did seem to insinuate that Ren and I had something going on even before we started dating, but Ren's approach was to own it, so his efforts didn't particularly land as expected. My sponsorship from Kirijo-san also gave me certain... status, I suppose, that left Kobayakawa sweating at his desk as he attempted to have his cake and eat it too."
Crow sets the cup down with a more audible thump, looking as though he'd just swallowed a sour candy.
His breath rushes quietly as his fists clench. "He knew nothing about her. Nothing! He objected to me on the first day—I suppose I was late. I wasn't the sort he thought should be in the school, you see? Beneath his notice. He saw my past addresses and—"
No, this is no good. He's seeing white; he swallows. Kamoshida is the past, and he got what he deserved. "Listen. What are we going to do about Ren? My Ren. The Palace."
Everything he's feeling, he buries with difficulty, like he's folding it all inside a perfect mirror sphere.
"If you need a moment to ground yourself, that's all right. We can figure this out when you're ready." It's clear that he's on edge. This was a poor shift in subject. He should've been more mindful of that. "But I believe we need to inform him, and then we need to formulate a plan."
Deep breaths. He's making a fool of himself here. Quietly, he reaches back for Lancelot, feeling that certainty and strength that sustain him no matter what; he licks his lips.
"You mean I need to inform him, I take it." Which he will. He won't entrust it to anyone else.
"I'd be willing to back you up, but if you believe that this is something only you can do, then I respect it wholeheartedly." At the very least, Crow understands why. It's so deeply personal. His presence might not bode well.
"No. It has to be me." Everything there's been between them, the potential depth of the betrayal—from both sides this time, not just one. Ren's halting explanation of what Magpie said to him in the park goes through his head. it wasnt that long after we got here and i wasnt used to like looking at ppl who looked like you without them being you
Lancelot's certainty slowly fills him—and, more than that, the peace of knowing what has to be done. Like in the attic with the others, with Futaba, the real one. If he wants to kill Goro, why not let him?
"I'm the one he wants to understand him. I'm the one he can't let go of, and can't accept. I'm the one who has to be there, no matter what we do. If I don't face him, here, now, and offer him a chance, I'll never be able to look him in the face again."
"And I respect that. Out of all of us, you're the one he's most likely to trust." If Crow is to blame for part of his distortion, then certainly not him. He'd run the risk of making things worse. "I wish I knew what to say that wouldn't sound like shallow platitudes. I'll wish you luck, of course, and should you need assistance, you know how to reach me."
But that's if. For now, he'd be better off supporting Frog. Letting him lead, for out of everyone here, he has the greatest stake of them all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: alluded to sa
cw abuse
"That man is a monster." He pulls down the house blend jar and weighs out beans for himself. "Everything I've learned about him since I arrived underscores that."
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Crow's fingers idly tap at the side of his cup. There's something to be said for having a parent who could see him. Connect with him. Understand him in ways few people could.
"His duties keep us apart, but he's at least tried to visit whenever the opportunity arises."
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You're not my child! he hears again, screwing the jar closed. He doesn't feel much, looking back; it's so long ago. "You understand more than I do, but...."
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cw: sa mention. kinda. the shido thing ren intercepted
No. Even telling Magpie that night was... well. Obviously it wasn't so clear-cut.
"Ah, but I suppose it's worth mentioning that my Ren is the one who lived here. Put on probation because he tried to protect a woman from Shido, and Shido didn't take kindly to his intervention."
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But then Crow continues, and he leans forward, forgetting the grinder. "What?"
How is that even possible?
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Each word carries a bitterness that rivals even the blackest coffee. Even if it led to their meeting, that doesn't make it fair.
"It's also what led to the false Igor putting him through 'rehabilitation,' right down to the prison-themed Velvet Room and those unnecessarily aggressive little girls."
cw sa
Because he's a probation officer. It's not commonly done any more—Sojiro certainly doesn't routinely put up young men in his neglected attic—but Goro knows well enough from past acquaintances that it can be done.
"But you're—" No; he swallows. "You're saying Shido was—just attacking a woman in the street? Really?" It's not that it surprises him, knowing what he already does; knowing so well what men are like. It's just so—blatant. Stupid.
cw sa
Perhaps his younger self will fare better. But then, what will that mean come 2016? Screw it. Crow takes another sip of coffee.
"But yes. As understand it, he was trying to force a woman into a car with him in a deranged, drunken state."
cw sa
He wants to pull down every jar from the shelves behind him and hear them smash, and then smash the pieces. He wants to run to the Velvet Room and shake Igor, call Lancelot and hurl Mudoons and Hamaons until he gets sent home, and then run to his mother, find her, apologise, never let go, never—
"Well, then," he says, vaguely, looking around for the filter papers. He knew, but he didn't know.
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Before he ended up at Leblanc, he means. Before his mother was taken from him for a year. A cold, ugly determination is settling deeper into his heart.
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Hm. He'd best finish this coffee before it gets too cold. Time for another, larger sip, then. "Ren was charged with assault, when he wasn't the aggressor. Kamoshida tried to spread rumors about his criminal record, but I did my best to intervene. With my assistance, things have marginally improved, particularly among the female students who perhaps feel more at ease knowing that he protected a woman in distress, but obviously there are still those who can't look past his record."
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His nails whiten against the countertop.
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Crow sets the cup down with a more audible thump, looking as though he'd just swallowed a sour candy.
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No, this is no good. He's seeing white; he swallows. Kamoshida is the past, and he got what he deserved. "Listen. What are we going to do about Ren? My Ren. The Palace."
Everything he's feeling, he buries with difficulty, like he's folding it all inside a perfect mirror sphere.
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"You mean I need to inform him, I take it." Which he will. He won't entrust it to anyone else.
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Lancelot's certainty slowly fills him—and, more than that, the peace of knowing what has to be done. Like in the attic with the others, with Futaba, the real one. If he wants to kill Goro, why not let him?
"I'm the one he wants to understand him. I'm the one he can't let go of, and can't accept. I'm the one who has to be there, no matter what we do. If I don't face him, here, now, and offer him a chance, I'll never be able to look him in the face again."
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But that's if. For now, he'd be better off supporting Frog. Letting him lead, for out of everyone here, he has the greatest stake of them all.